Of Pranks in MiddleEarth
by OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles
Summary: Want to know what Merry and Pippin were up to on the Fellowship quest? Never before seen, but I witnessed it so believe me! This is what REALLY happened. discontinued
1. Bilbo's Birthday

**Of Pranks in Middle-Earth**

**Rating:** all ages **Genre:** Humour **Book:** Lord of the Rings

Disclaimer: The characters and settings in this fan fiction are all J.R.R. Tolkien's and I am simply writing for fun because I love writing and I am not writing this for a profit. I bow down to Tolkien for creating such a work of art.

Summary: This just proves that hobbits can't be trusted. Want to know what really happened throughout the travels of the fellowship? Merry and Pippin are always doing something wrong, read to find out what!

Important Rambling: These are written as pranks Merry and Pippin do throughout their travels in the fellowship through the three books as well as a few in-between. I'll try to keep the timeline as accurate as possible but I don't know how well I'll do. I will also be taking lines from the movie to make sure everyone recognizes it. When I have .:. and then a location, that is where the particular prank takes place. I'm planning on making a chapter for each major stopping point in the stories.

_For best results, try to read it in accents of the actors._

**Bilbo's Birthday .:.The Shire.:.**

"Pippin, would you _hurry up_?" Merry ran between trees to stay hidden while Pippin tripped and lagged behind.

"Merry! Wait for me!" Pippin picked himself up clumsily and raced after his best friend. Tonight was Bilbo's 111th birthday and the two mischievous hobbits had made plans on what to do to celebrate.

"If you don't _hurry up_, Gandalf will set off the fireworks before we get to them!" Merry looked past the large width of the tree to see Gandalf walking away from the pile of fireworks he had just unpacked.

"Ok, now what do we do?" Pippin asked excitedly as he ran into Merry, letting out a girlish scream.

"Would you _shush_?" Merry shoved him back into the tree and looked back to Gandalf as he disappeared behind a party tent. "_Pippin_!" he pulled him up hurriedly from the ground and then began sprinting off to the vulnerable magical fireworks…of doom.

Moments later they were looking at the pile of fireworks. So much of a choice! Merry boosted Pippin into the cart of fireworks and looked around for anyone who might see their wrongdoings. He began to munch on an apple as Pippin held up a firework. "No no no! The big one!" Merry pointed behind the young hobbit and continued to look around.

Pippin dropped the first firework at the look of the one stuck at the back for an obvious finale. It was as long as he was tall and it had the shape of a large dragonhead on one end and a dragon tail on the end.

Merry's face lit up as Pippin reappeared, dragging the firework behind him, throwing the apple away as he was used as a cushion for Pippin as he fell off the large, human-sized cart. (remember that hobbits are on average around 3foot 6inches)

"Pippin…get off!" the hobbit shoved his best friend off of him and then they ran off together towards a deserted tent. Pippin held the firework upwards as Merry ran off to get something to light the fuse.

Minutes later, Merry returned with a tiny fire-lit branch and quickly lit the fuse, "done!" they said in unison but looked down as the fire quickly ate the burnable fuse.

"You were supposed to stick it in the ground!" Merry yelled, shoving the firework towards his friend.

"It is in the ground!" Pippin shoved it back into Merry, the fuse getting smaller by the second.

"It was your idea!" they both yelled as the firework exploded with a loud BANG and sparks flew everywhere. Both hobbits fell to the ground, Pippin letting off yet another girlish scream.

The firework set off into the star-filled night sky, taking the tent with it and leaving the two soot-covered hobbits lying on the ground, watching their plan take effect. The tent-covered firework flew at least 100 feet in the air before exploding into a thousand tiny pinpricks of light and the two hobbits heard everyone 'ooo' and 'ahhh' at the spectacular show.

The lights began to condense into the shape of a dragon that began swooping down towards the hobbit party below. Many of the elderly hobbits, stuck in their ways yelled out that there hadn't been a dragon in these parts for over a thousand years while the younger hobbits screamed and tried to run for cover.

The two young hobbits stood up and watched as the firework dragon's fiery wings beat the magical body closer to the ground where many hobbits had taken refuge under picnic benches. Merry and Pippin saw Frodo leading Bilbo away and duck to the ground just as the magical firework opened its fiery jaws to snap them up.

Many hobbits gasped, assuming this would be the end of Bilbo Baggins and Frodo Baggins but the firework had other plans and quickly changed direction, heading instead into the sky over the lake and burst into tiny sparks of light that filled the sky as far as everyone could see.

There was a silence for a few moments and then people began reappearing from under their hiding places, laughing nervously. Soon the music was up again and pints of ale were being passed around before Bilbo's speech.

Merry and Pippin began congratulating each other on a job well done when all of a sudden there was a pain on their ears. They looked up nervously and were met with Gandalf's upset face. "Meriadoc Brandybuck, and Peregrin Took…I might have known…"

**A/N: So what did you think? This is my first LOTR one EVER and my first full on humour so go easy on me but let me know what you thought. :-)**


	2. Bugging Black Riders

**Bugging Black Riders .:.Farmer Maggot's Field and The Path.:.**

"Hurry Pippin! Farmer Maggot is on to us and we need to get these vegetables out of the fi-" Merry ran headfirst into Sam as he ran through the cornfield. Seconds later, Pippin barrelled out after him and ended up on top of Frodo.

"Hello Frodo! Merry, it's Frodo!" Pippin exclaimed excitedly.

"I am well aware Pippin, he is our cousin!" Merry rolled his eyes as Sam shoved him off and picked himself up, brushing off the dirt from the ground.

"You've been stealing the Farmer Maggot's crops again!" Sam pointed an accusing finger at the two redheaded hobbits as they began quickly picking up the vegetables they had dropped on collision.

Suddenly they heard yelling and saw the Farmer's pitchfork heading towards then and Merry shoved the rest of the vegetables into Sam's hand and pulled Frodo in the opposite direction of Farmer Maggot.

"I don't know why he's so upset! Its only a couple of carrots!" Merry yelled as he pulled Frodo along, Pippin right behind and Sam behind them.

"Oh and those potatoes we got last week, and those cabbages the week before!" Pippin chimed in as he followed Frodo, arms filled with vegetables.

"Yes Pippin! The point is that he's clearly overreacting!" Merry yelled before skidding to a stop, looking down the small cliff in front of him. Frodo skidded to a stop behind him and Pippin behind that, all looking quite relieved that they hadn't fallen until…Sam came barrelling towards them, looking behind him and he ran right into the other three hobbits, sending them all tumbling down the small cliff to the leaf-covered ground below.

"Thanks a lot Sam," Merry muttered as he spit leaves out of his mouth.

"Sorry about that," Sam looked around guiltily and noticed that Frodo was staring down the path in an odd sort of way. Merry and Pippin began picking up the vegetables and checking the condition of them all like a concerned doctor nursing their patients.

"Get off the road," Frodo muttered more to himself than anyone else but he suddenly looked around, "get off the road! Quick!" he yelled and the other three hobbits followed him behind a large tree just as they heard hoof beats a few feet away, slowly moving closer.

Pippin looked around the tree trunk to see the view of a rider in black placed on a black horse. The black horse snorted and Pippin saw that there were nails coming out of its hooves. He looked back at the other hobbits. Frodo was doing some odd thing with the gold ring he was holding and Sam was watching him but Merry looked at Pippin expectantly.

"I have an idea," Pippin whispered and Merry smiled mischievously. He quickly followed his cousin around the tree and behind the black rider. It began making weird sniffing noises but they ignored it and continued behind another tree.

Finally they were spread out, one hobbit on each side and they nodded to each other before throwing dirt clumps, pinecones, and a few rocks at the rider and horse, ducking out of view behind trees whenever the rider turned its tortured horse around in circles.

"You know," Pippin whispered just loud enough for the rider to hear, "2 miles to the left down this path and you can get some bleach for those stains."

"Yeah, all you need is a soul to trade with," Merry followed his younger cousin's lead and whispered, continuously moving all the while so the rider couldn't find either of them.

"What's that?" Pippin asked.

"You don't have a soul?" Merry added, more like twins reading each other's minds then cousins who knew each other well.

"You say you sold your soul?" Pippin was trying desperately to hold back his laughter as the rider continued to force the horse in circles.

"That was pretty stupid of you," Merry burst out laughing and they ran back to Frodo and Sam. They noticed right away that something was wrong with their brown haired, blue-eyed cousin as Sam was forcefully keeping Frodo from slipping the gold ring on his finger.

Suddenly the rider let off a loud shriek and set off around a bend, Frodo snapping out of it immediately after the rider in black was gone. "We need to get out of here!" Frodo looked up quickly and the three hobbits followed his lead, quickly making their way to Buckleberry Ferry.


	3. Fun on the Ferry

**The Fun of Ferries .:. On Buckleberry Ferry .:.**

"How much farther?" Pippin whined as Sam steered the ferry around yet another bend. The sun had set and every once and a while the four hobbits would hear the black rider's scream somewhere in the distance.

"It's another 15 miles to Bree," Sam snapped and continued with his work, sending worried glances to Frodo every little while. The young brown-haired hobbit looked extremely tired so the other hobbits let him rest.

"Pippin, I'm bored!" Merry whispered, sending glares over to Sam's back.

"Me too, and he keeps yelling at me!" Pippin hissed and put on a mock-pout.

"Merry quickly crawled to the side of the old wooden ferry, just barely in view of Sam. He leaned over the side and stared openly at the midnight black water traveling by. Suddenly he started and yelled for Pippin to come over. The youngest hobbit did so and his face became a look of great shock and interest.

"What are you two up to?" Sam asked from the rudder but Merry simply waved a hand dismissively and continued to stare, mesmerized. Sam rolled his eyes and look around, but curiosity was getting to him. Suddenly there was a girlish scream, of course let off by Pippin, and the sound of two heavy objects falling into the water.

Sam looked over quickly and saw that the two younger hobbits where nowhere to be seen. He rushed over to where they had been and peered into the water for any signs of the two redheads.

Too busy looking out the left side of the ferry, Sam didn't see Merry and Pippin pull themselves back onto the ferry, dripping wet, and with an evil twinkle in their eyes.

"1…" Merry looked at Pippin.

"…2…" Pippin looked to his cousin and winked.

"3!" they both yelled before rushing across the ferry and shoving Sam into the water. It was a well-known fact that Sam _hated_ water and the two hobbits congratulated each other on a job well done.

Sam's head reappeared seconds later and he quickly pulled himself back on the ferry, cursing both of them, "I'll get you for that!" Sam yelled as he shook his head, spraying Frodo and the two hobbits who were already wet with small water droplets.

Frodo woke with a start and looked around, "Sam, shouldn't you be steering?" he asked kindly.

"Yeah Sam! Honestly!" Merry rolled his eyes.

"He shoved us in Frodo!" Pippin pointed an accusing finger at Sam. Frodo simply rolled his eyes and lay back down on the wood of the ferry.


	4. Fun in Bree

**Fun in Bree .:. The Prancing Pony .:.**

"Ah Mr. Underhill, yes we have a nice hobbit-size room for the four of you, here is your key and feel free to enjoy our bar and common room," the innkeeper at The Prancing Pony handed Frodo two keys and then left to other business.

"Did I hear…a bar?" Merry and Pippin whispered excitedly and hopped off to the bar to order two pints of ale. Sam and Frodo followed at a slower pace and bought themselves a half-pint each. Soon after, all four hobbits where tucked together at a table by the fireplace.

"To bugging weird black riders!" Merry said, holding up his mug for a toast.

"And pushing Sam into Brandywine River!" Pippin chimed in.

"To making it all the way to Bree alive!" Frodo added tiredly while Sam simply pouted. All four hobbits clinked mugs and took a deep swig of ale. Sam decided to take up their bags to the room before finishing his half-pint, while Merry and Pippin were already on their second full-pint.

Frodo was busy fumbling with something in his pocket so Merry and Pippin started planning what to do next. Sam was of course, the best target but they didn't want to do anything too drastic with Frodo so close. Suddenly Pippin grinned evilly and nudged Merry in the ribs.

The redhead looked down at what was in the younger hobbit's hand, a disgusting black substance in a small bottle, "its some spice thing that is used to knock people out when they're sick," Pippin said excitedly and then dumped half of the black pellets into Sam's have filled mug.

He pocketed the other half, who knew when he would need more and subtly moved the mug back to its original position, snickering silently to themselves as Sam reappeared. Frodo quickly let go of the ring he had been fingering and looked around the crowded and smoky room.

"Eurgh! What is in this?" Sam exclaimed, spitting out his ale, which had turned a disgusting shade of deep brown and black with the pellets previously added to it. Suddenly Sam began squawking like a duck and running around in circles, a few human residents of the inn looked but returned to their ales and fun and games quite quickly. One human on the other hand, quickly got up from his table in the far corner and picked up Sam by the neck and pulled him forcefully up the stairs, Sam clucking all the way.

The other three hobbits followed behind and closed the door behind them as the human dropped Sam on the ground. "You draw far too much attention to yourselves," he said in a deep voice before knocking back the hood of his cloak, revealing the face of Aragorn.

Sam was still clucking on the ground and Merry and Pippin, after holding in their laughter for a few brief moments, burst out laughing and began congratulating themselves. "Who knew it would make him like this! You need to get more of this stuff Pip'!" Merry clapped Pippin on the back as they both beamed.

"You two think this is funny?" Aragorn pointed at the redheaded gardener on the ground and the other two redheads looked at him as if he had three heads.

"Are you insane? Of course! Its hilarious!" they both laughed, collapsing on the ground, gasping for breath.

Frodo and Aragorn shared a look and then looked between Sam clucking madly and beginning to act much the same as a chicken pecking at the ground for seed, and Merry and Pippin, collapsed against each other, laughing mercifully. Ignoring the seriousness of the situation, they also began to laugh, completely forgetting about returning Sam to his original state.

**A/N: As you can see these are getting shorter by the chapter. The next one will be longer I swear! Also, I'll try to update once a week but with school I'd say the best bet would be 2 weeks. But who knows, my other fanfics take more time yet they are a lot longer each chapter. Only time will tell. I suggest putting the story on 'story alert' or else its hard to tell when a new chapter comes out. Just a suggestion. Please review.**


	5. Disturbing the Council of Elrond

**Disturbing the Council of Elrond .:. Rivendell .:.**

* * *

Pippin and Merry stared out of the window into the thick and luscious forest outside the archway covering the bench they were positioned on. Frodo was still sick in bed from the stupid Ringwraiths and Sam had decided to camp out by his bed until his brown-haired friend woke, leaving the two redheads out of targets for pranks.

Giving each other a look as a group of elves passed by, they subtly shook their heads in the negative, elves were too big and they held grudges too long, seeing as they never died to bother pranking. They sighed again as a group of dwarves walked by. They may be the same size but they tended to spit a lot and not feeling like a shower, Merry and Pippin stayed away.

Their eyes lit up when some human walked by, seemingly in a daze. Giving each other a look, they both shook their heads 'yes' and got an evil glimmer in their eyes. They quickly left their bench and rushed into the bushes before the human could see them. Looking around for supplies to use, Pippin let off a squeak of joy at finding mushrooms. He took a few to his mouth, ready to eat them but Merry stopped him and shook his head.

Getting the same idea, Pippin began picking all the grayish mushrooms out of the warm soil and they each took as much as they could into their hands, stuffing the rest in their bag for later. Merry rushed across the path into the bushes on the other side behind the man and began whispering quietly to the man but making sure he was hidden away from anyone's eyes.

"You are not welcome here…this is the House of Mushmom's mushrooms and you are trespassing…" Merry began; ducking below the brush as the man's eyes quickly darted to the left where Merry was hiding. As the red haired man began moving towards the bushes, Pippin joined in, "you are not welcome! Leave now or feel the Mushmom's wrath!"

His eyes darted to the right now but Pippin was well hidden in the brush, almost being one with all the nature around. Merry held back a laugh as the man's eye twitched. "Who are you?" He yelled.

"We are the Mushmom's servants and we do not take to trespassers lightly!" they yelling in unison, confusing the poor man more at not knowing where to turn. "Turn back now or feel our wrath!"

The man gave a nervous snort and ran his hands through his long hair, there was no way he was going to run from someone when he had every right to be here. "I refuse to leave for no reason! I deserve to walk freely where I please!" When there was no answer he grinned to himself at his triumph.

"…So be it…" was all he heard before he was pelted with mushrooms from both sides. Not sure what to do he drew his sword but when one well-thrown mushroom got caught in his mouth as he opened it to yell, he decided against it and ran back the way he had come, his eye twitching all the while.

"Not bad Pip, but lets keep this going shall we?" Merry asked and they silently followed the man as he returned to his room. They hid behind more brush that was across from the room and when the man left, muttering to himself, they snuck in and left the red-haired man a little present for later.

They grabbed some carrots they had stored away for later and waited for the man to return. They didn't have to wait long as they saw him coming back towards his room not 1 hour later, still muttering to himself. They had to hit each other on head to keep themselves quiet as they heard some of the mutterings, "mushrooms…nothing wrong with…did nothing wrong…mushrooms…"

After a few minutes of baited breath they heard a screech from inside the room and burst out laughing as the man ran out of his room, covered in mushrooms and screaming his apologies to 'Mushmom' at the top of his lungs. Deciding to follow, the two young hobbits quickly and quietly followed the man at a far enough distance not to be noticed as he headed to some sort of chamber.

"Now everyone, you have been gathered here to answer the threat of Mordor…" the elf leader Elrond began and the hobbits giggled to themselves as they hid behind pillars when they saw the man had run here, clearly not ready for the meeting. He had stopped his muttering and screaming but his eye twitched almost constantly and he kept looking around nervously. Just a little bit more…

As the elf leader continued, Merry and Pippin situated themselves closer to the man, fingering the last of the gray mushrooms they had picked earlier. He seemed to be father away from everyone else and therefore the two hobbits found it possible to give one last threat before they finished the pathetic human off.

"You have angered Mushmom, she will have her vengeance," they whispered in unison before pelting the last of the mushrooms all over him. He screamed and ran out of the room yelling about Mushmom and the evil mushrooms bent on his destruction, his voice ringing down the corridors for a few minutes, the entire council looking at their leader for advice on what to do.

Elrond cleared his throat, "well, it seems Boromir is indisposed at the moment, we'll just hope he doesn't have a complete breakdown before we finish this meeting," and with that the council continued. Merry and Pippin ran away and began laughing hysterically at how well the prank had gone and how weird this man was.

* * *

**A/N: I wasn't actually thinking of really continuing but since some people are actually enjoying it I shall continue it just for you D I'm sorry I haven't updated in…wow last year! I'm so sorry! My only excuse is that my computer was down and I couldn't even get it to work without it freezing up. I shall try to get another update up when I think of a good prank. Sorry if this wasn't the best, I'm having some bad writer's block.**


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